No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Everclear isn't food dammit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
