Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
