I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
