yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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