I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
