the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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