Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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