Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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