Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
