Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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