Where is the hickey?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
