apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
