Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
