I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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