i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
