maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
