why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
