So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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