Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
