idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
