You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
