Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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