Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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