My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
