my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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