Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
