He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
