Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
