there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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