I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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