there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
