But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
