Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we're making bets on your personal life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Randomize
