it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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