Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
