I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
