Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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