I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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