DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am mentally ready for anal.
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