and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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