My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
