i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
