Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
