That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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