Sry I called you an 8
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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