Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
