i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
