Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
