The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
