Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
