Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
