Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
