Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
