Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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