I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
