Your tits are I can't wait for
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
