Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
